It’s been said that the only things that matter in life are the relationships you build in it and the lives you touch. You can take that or leave it, but it’s common knowledge that building genuine connections with people leads to a lot of great things, and improves your life in many ways.
And not just with those already close to you either. Strangers are some of the most important people you will ever meet, and there is no end to the stories and experiences we’ve all heard and had that started with just taking a chance and getting to know someone you’ve never met before.
We are very good at making small talk, but that’s not meeting people; not really meet people. That’s engaging them in superficial, on-the-surface small talk that leaves everyone mildly interested at best. Make genuine connections with the people around you, and your world will open up in profound ways.
I myself am naturally introverted, and more prone to quiet seclusion than social encounters. I’ve had to work very hard over the years to break past my innate tendencies and rebuild myself as a (sometimes) more outgoing and interactive person.
One of the best ways I found to do this? Spend time around those friends that are very extroverted and socially comfortable, and learning all I could from them.
The following keys listed below are common points I noticed with them, points I watched succeed in establishing friendships and mutually-beneficial connections over and over, in the lives of not only my friends but in my own life as soon as I began utilizing them.
1) Be completely genuine. Seems like common sense, right? Not to some, especially not to those who struggle against the desire to be liked by too many. Amiability is sublime, but not at the cost of self.
The balance, then, lies in being utterly yourself– being passionate when you care, being open to everyone, embracing your characteristics and using them.
My inclination is to shy from openness out of a fear of rejection that is so buried I barely knew of its existence (I wonder how many of us that is true for)– I now condition myself toward a new inclination, and it has served me only brilliantly so far. When opening up to people, you’ll be surprised how they may open up back.
2) Always appreciate. Every conversation is a hidden gem, every life you briefly intertwine with is an opportunity, and every kindness from others comes at a great risk to them of being hurt. Such hurt is so easy to inflict because it’s so difficult to notice and so rarely shown; we often barely allow ourselves to feel the hurt as we usually express it with another emotion like anger, or we mask it and try to expel it from our minds.
We condition ourselves to give and take pain without much notice, softening blows with a barrier of callousness rather than teaching ourselves to be uncommonly mindful of the feelings of the humans around us. Everything is beautiful, and everything is a gift; treat it as such.
3) Connect before you share. You want to talk about yourself, to express yourself and be understood, to share your stories and have them be appreciated. Well you have to extend the appreciation first, to build a bridge of interest and understanding over which ideas, stories, and the like can go back and forth between people. No one will listen to a person they don’t care about or can’t relate to, no one.
At a fundamental level, we all want and need to be understood. Be first a receiver, a creator of the acceptance you wish to have returned to you, then tread appreciatively on the newly laid groundwork toward their mind which is now opened by your ability to understand it.
4) People care if you care. This is not in the same sense as the one above. I’m taking #4 a step further. If you manage to develop credence through a connection with someone by giving them some small amount of the validation we all inherently crave, the words you give them in return must be of some interest to them on some level, or they may dismiss them as just as quickly as if you hadn’t yet been conversing with them at all.
People won’t care about what you have to say unless you appear to, unless what you say is either directly relevant to them or you convey it in an exciting way. Get animated about yourself. Share yourself in a way that clearly portrays your life exactly the way you feel about it which, hopefully, is very positively. People are drawn to passion; tap into yours, and let them see it.
There is nothing more fulfilling than using your passion to help others. When you open yourself up to people, appreciate every piece of themselves they share with you, connect with them on their terms, and then connect with them on yours, you open doors to amazing and mutually life-changing things. Go get ‘em, tiger.