A Very Difficult Question

Ever since a conversation I had with a friend of mine, a question has been on my mind.  It’s such a basic question, and yet so very difficult for so many of us to answer.

It is difficult because it challenges us to think, to contemplate long and hard about what is most important to us.

It is difficult because it asks us to truthfully evaluate ourselves, and it doesn’t allow insincere answers.

It is difficult because it will determine the direction and possibly even the outcome of our lives.

It’s a question posed to all who seek adventure, who cherish a life of passion and non-conformity and travel– it’s a question of priorities.  The question will try us to our core.

What is the question?

The question can be asked in many ways, and the way it is being asked to me, it goes something like this:  “Is traveling around and living out your dreams more important to you than your family?”

Ask it any way you like, but the premise of it is:  Which comes first, living out your passions and goals, or living for those you love?”  No matter what most people do, the two will never remain on the same path; at various points in your life, you will have to choose one over the other.

I told you it was a tough one.  How do you answer that?  How do you compare two things that mean the entire world to you, both on different ends of a spectrum– go out and doing, or staying put and being there for people?

What is the answer?

The answer lies in the one place you must go first, before you ever do anything.  No matter what your question, here is where you’ll find the answer, if only you look hard enough.  The answer, friends, can only be found inside.

By inside, of course, I mean through introspection– through a careful excavation of your strongest motivations, your biggest dreams, your most earth-shaking passions.  Learn yourself, and learn yourself well, because you are the only one who can answer this question, and you have only yourself to blame if you answer it wrong.

Let’s make it simpler then, shall we?  Basically, this is a question of opportunity costs.  You will have to choose one thing over another, to temporarily lose one thing in order to gain something else.  Which can you handle going without for periods of time?  Which will you regret most if you don’t fully indulge?

I can’t answer this question for you, but I can try to objectively get your brains working.  So I’ll pose an argument for each cases.

Choose your loved ones:  They are your strongest support system, your heroes– the people who have gotten you where you are today, and will be there to see you through tomorrow.  You are who you are because of them.  Nothing you can find out in the world will replace what these people can give you.  What more is there in life than to love people and be loved in return?

Choose your destiny:  You are who you are for a reason.  You have the specific strengths, passions, desires, etc that you do so you can do something with them.  Life is meant to be lived to fulfillment, and to do something that makes this world a better place.  You have it within you to change the world, to do anything– the possibilities are as vast as you dare to imagine.  Who knows what amazing things you’ll do out there?  And why limit your love to only the people you know now?  Why not build new relationships wherever life takes you (or you take it), and love as many people as much as you can?

The most powerful argument for either choice is this:  You will have to live with whatever you choose.  Are you okay with leaving your family to attempt to reach your full potential and do great things in the world?  Conversely, are you okay with knowing you could have done more with your life if you hadn’t devoted yourself to your dearest ones?

Is life about happiness and love now, or investing in potentially more (or potentially less) happiness and love later?

For my friend, it is the former.  For me, the latter.  What about you?

I’ll leave you with a quote from Mark Twain, to be interpreted and applied as you wish:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.”